dearest mother,

 Artwork by  Claudia Tremblay

Artwork by Claudia Tremblay

Tonight you came in through my window

and shone your gossamer light all around the pillows of my bed.

The clouds moved over your luminous face,

dimming you,

creating shadows ...

just for a moment.

Then done.

Shining, shimmering bright again.

And I closed my eyes and imagined being held by You.  So sweet.  So fleeting.  I imagined that it might feel like this ... the feeling I yearn for most ...

To be still with You.

To be embraced by You.

To be sheltered by You.

To be anointed by You and made whole again.

Simply to feel special and alive and awakened in Your presence.

To feel that light and that closeness that I seek -

and find among other mothers.

Earth mothers.

Celestial mothers.

Spiritual mothers.

You say:

"What do you want from me?"

And all of my tears come.

How does one desire an expression?  How does one desire a way of being?  A relationship?  

"Mother"

"My Mother?"

"Mama"

Something so innate.

Something so natural.

Something so warm and close, so mammalian.

Something that, by birth, should be mine ... she's MY mother ...

The Entire Universe pulses through Your sinew - Your laughter, Your smile.  My breath and blood came from You.  But You are not mine.

The yearning ...

So I try to breathe.

I'll be more kind next time.

And tonight, I'll bask in the embrace of Mother Moon instead.